After a successful career as a BBC broadcaster Nick decided on a career change. He now runs his own family mediation business, Way Forward Mediation, and works with other mediation services
What qualifications did you study and where?
I don't have a degree. I trained to be a family mediator on the Family Mediators Association (FMA) foundation training course, which lasts a total of eight days and is there to provide a starting point to practising as a family mediator. It is however just a starting point, and the real work begins when you start to mediate and gain experience.
The accreditation process involved writing a lengthy document of nearly 200 pages, which detailed my:
experience
journey
learnings
reflection.
What inspired you to pursue a career change and become a family mediator?
For me it was a combination of:
personal circumstances
career situation
experience.
After leaving the BBC, where I was a broadcaster for many years, I was looking for a new challenge that would utilise the skillset that I had as a broadcaster. I went through a divorce, and this made me passionate about helping other families separate and divorce well.
Family mediation keeps children front and centre in the divorce process and is all about de-escalating conflict. I am passionate about these two things and therefore retraining as a family mediator felt like an obvious step for me.
How did you get your job as a family mediator?
After my foundation training I started my own business, but I also mediated for a number of other services as I built my experience. Now that I'm accredited, I'm continuing to grow my own practise, while also working with other mediators. I think it's really important to maintain a mix because it keeps experience broad and can also limit the sense of isolation that can sometimes happen when working alone.
What kind of tasks do you complete on a typical day?
Mediation is 80% practice and 20% admin so a typical day for me would involve a mix of initial one-to-one meetings, which we call a MIAM, and joint sessions. These joint sessions can be about finances, children, or both. Admin is also important as we have to ensure that our cases are written up correctly and we have appropriate documentation.
What part of your job bring you the most satisfaction?
Mediation is one of those rare careers where you can actively see progress, so when a couple arrive in a state of heightened conflict and emotional distress, we can see their journey - leading hopefully to a set of proposals which they feel are fair and sustainable.
When this happens it often reduces conflict, which is of course the best thing for the children involved. Seeing couples move through these very difficult periods and come out the other side is very satisfying.
What are the challenges?
When people come to us for family mediation, they are very often at one of the lowest points of their lives. They are stressed, anxious, concerned about the future. Their identity has been challenged by the fact that their relationship or marriage has come to an end. This can lead to very difficult conversations, and these conversations can sometimes feel quite intense.
My job as a mediator is to keep things steady and help people through the process. I have to be aware, however, that I am seeing people at possibly one of their worst moments and this really can pose a great challenge.
Safeguarding is also at the core of our work, and we do sometimes see cases which can be challenging and where the content can be distressing. This is why all mediators have a supervisor who they can turn to, to work through complex questions and debrief some of the emotions involved.
What three skills should all good family mediators possess?
At its core family mediation is about listening and this is a key skill. It is also about building rapport with your clients. Knowing how to build that rapport is central to mediation working. There are many other qualities I could add but actually having a half-decent sense of humour can help both mediators and clients, because even in the most serious of moments sometimes a light touch can be helpful.
What type of person would suit this career?
I think that anyone who has a desire to make a difference and who cares about people would be well suited to being a family mediator. Family mediation is a broad village and people come to it with diverse experiences and skill sets.
If you like helping people to tell their story and if you believe in the importance of a collaborative approach to separation and divorce while always keeping children in full focus, family mediation could well be the career for you.
What are your career ambitions?
I just want to keep helping families navigate separation and divorce in a way that means they can move on with their lives and protect their children from hostility.
I also want to use my previous professional experience to help other mediators and progress the profession. I have already joined the board of the FMA, which gives me the opportunity to share that experience and be part of the future discussions around the direction of family mediation.
Can you debunk a myth about working as a family mediator?
People often think that being a family mediator is about solving other people's problems. It really is not. We are not there to give advice or solve problems. We are there to be the steady mediator who is neutral in the process and help people talk through their separation and divorce.
What advice can you give to other aspiring family mediators?
If you're looking to be a family mediator I would say do it, but also be aware that it is a process which requires lots of hard work, effort and self-reflection.
You need to be open to thinking about what you've done, why you did it and how you might do it better. Being a family mediator really is a vocation. I think it's something that you do, born out of a passion to help people and a desire to help them find another way forward. It's not going to turn you into a millionaire, but it may well be the most enriching professional decision you'll make.
